Hoarding behavior.

The purple couch, our house in Baltimore.

Dave and Ella's tricks, our house in Baltimore.

Several times a year I clean and purge our clothes closets, linen closet, medicine cabinet, pantry, bookshelves and Ella’s toy box. I end up with several bags of trash, recycling and donations each time I clean, along with a huge sense of satisfaction for the tasks completed.  I don’t like to hold on to things that we no longer need, use or wear. I try not to place attachments on things in my life.

Last night as I finished my work I sat down to watch some TV before going to bed. I ended up watching Hoarders, a show about people who have extreme attachments to all things in their lives. They live in houses overflowing with clutter, trash, spoiled food, clothes and anything and everything else that they are unable to get rid of in their lives. It’s pretty scary the conditions that some of these people are living in. As I sat and watched the TV show I felt a sense of pride puff in me for the work I’d completed of de-cluttering our house, then I remembered the state of our house the year after Ella was born which de-puffed any pride in me.

We owned an old row home in Baltimore City when Ella was born. The house had cracks in the walls, creaky floors, a postage stamp yard and tons of character, I loved it. We lived in the house for two years before Ella was born, Dave and I spent most of those two years scraping and painting, pulling up carpet and planting a beautiful flower garden. When Ella came along we were pretty satisfied with our progress on the house and we had a beautiful nursery ready for Ella.

After Ella’s birth and spending 4 weeks in the NICU we finally came home to our house. I sat on our couch and didn’t move for much of the first year. I never cleaned, I let things pile up, get very dirty and cluttered. Dave didn’t have time to clean he was working, taking care of Ella’s multiple needs and a depressed wife. I stopped cooking so our kitchen was full of take out food boxes, Dave and I were both drinking very heavily at the time so our counters were stacked with wine bottles and beer cans, and then the mice came. Not just one mouse, several mice and I did nothing to stop them, I remember sitting on the couch watching them run across the floor and having no reaction at all, just watching. UGH, it hurts to think about now. Finally, my Mom, Dad and sister intervened while Dave and I were away exploring an alternative therapy treatment for Ella. They came in and de-cluttered and de-moused our house without a word or judgement —thank goodness.

By the end of the Hoarders show last night I felt a shared experience with the people struggling with their illnesses and clutter, just an example of the shared oneness we all have. If we look deep enough inside of ourselves we can surely find a teaspoon or perhaps a cup of someone else’s pain or neurosis. Although my house in Baltimore was no were near the cluttered houses on the show I feel that I can understand the hoarding behavior a little better now.