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Archive for April, 2013

IMG_6996Today, I took Ella to the doctor, our 5th trip in 2 weeks. She’s had a cough and a cold for far too long. I’ve been taking her in every few days to have her lungs checked making sure they are clear and healthy. This morning’s trip was because she had a very big seizure upon waking, it freaked me out , I wanted to have her checked. She is fine, just the start of her normal seizure cycle that happens every three months. She will have seizures for about a week, be very tired for a week and then be fine for another three months. It’s how our world turns.

However, while I was sitting in the doctor’s office with my hair pulled back in a messy ponytail, my pajama top on, and dirty sweat pants, I saw how others can think my world has stopped turning. There were two very well dressed ladies with their beautiful children waiting for appointments. One of the ladies was pregnant. The two were discussing the sex of the unborn baby, if the pregnant lady knew what she was having. She didn’t and wasn’t going to find out. Her friend said, “That’s so fun to have a surprise at the birth, just as long as it’s healthy, right?” As this phrase was spoken, both of them looked at me with pity. I wanted to sink under my chair, disappear and cry. This is a phrase that is spoken over and over and over to and by pregnant ladies everywhere. Kim Kardashian even said it about her unborn baby in an interview on E. “It doesn’t matter what it is, as long as it is healthy.” UGH!

And what? What will happen if it’s not healthy? You will end up like me, going out in public with messy hair and dirty sweat pants! Your world will stop turing. Well, yes, yes it will. You will feel shattered, broken, and depressed for sure. You will be lost as you bring your damaged child home. You will spend the first year of your child’s life searching for answers and cures. However, you will also end up with a purpose, something to live for that is so much bigger then yourself. You will find out who your true friends are, how strong your marriage is, the importance of a positive attitude and how incredibly powerful you are. Your world will start turning again, it will never turn the way it did before, but believe me it will turn.

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