Archive for May, 2013

Today I turn 40. Wow 40! It’s good, all good. My thirties were hard. Ella was born when I was 29, I spent the first 5 years of my thirties wallowing in and recovering from deep, dark postpartum depression. The second half of the decade I was figuring out how to be a Mom of a child with special needs. I can honestly say I am looking forward to the next ten years. I have been through hell, I survived, I am ok and now I am ready to be perfect.

When I look at Ella I see my beautiful, perfect child who is so brave and has overcome so much. I don’t see her crooked spine or her lack of speech or motor skills, I see my hope. She is a bright light, an inspiration. My reason for waking each morning. She is perfect.

When I look at my husband I see greying hair, IMG_7028lines around his eyes, a body that is a little less toned then it used to be and perfection. I see a man that supported me through a depression so deep that I couldn’t move for two years. I see a man that put his career on hold to care for Ella giving her a strong foundation of health and happiness. He is perfect.

When I look at my family, friends and strangers I see beauty. I see their perfection.

When I look at myself, I see a woman that has been through a lot. I have cried a lot, screamed a lot, cursed a lot, slept very little and laughed a fair amount too. However, it’s hard to see my own perfection. I notice the 5 lbs I wanted to lose before I turned 40 and the blemish on my forehead. This is not fair to myself, I deserve the same treatment that I give to others. So on my 40th I give myself the gift of perfection. I am perfect, just the way I am. I will spend the next ten years reminding myself of this everyday.


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